Memoirs II: Killer Instinct

Here again the story goes back in time. Lemme tell u abt he’s favorite past times. He only knew how to kill time and kill chameleons. Ya…he was a killer machine. The best tracker and hunter in the neighborhood. He didn’t have fancy guns to kill them. He like the primates used stones to kill them. It sounds barbaric, but it was the only method he knew of. He lived in his own world, which was not the present one but dated back to the time when dinosaurs existed. Chameleons were like monsters or rather miniature form of dinosaurs. He was the defender of his territory. If any monster was in sight then he used to defend his territory bravely. No matter how long he had to chase it, he had to be victorious. There was no bounty on the head of the monster nor there heads were prized trophy. It was like shoot at sight. But after every killing there was a ritual and the body was burned with respect. With time, he’s domain of killing increased. He didn’t want to do this but to protect himself he had to.

The law of nature is such that everything is balanced. To balance the deeds of he, I is the counter balance. It’s like balancing the charges, to neutralize every +ve ion u need a –ve one. Like particle and anti-particle theory.

Memoirs I: Umbra and Penumbra

Do u believe in shadows…may be u don’t but I do. U all must have noticed the shadows growing and shrinking with the movement of light. Have u ever trusted them. Or are they just, mere shadows to u…but not to me. They had been my companion for 24 yrs and will remain till the end of me. Whether there is light or not, I know that they are beside me. It makes me feel secure that I’m not alone in this world. It is always a source of entertainment to me, to kill my time when I’m alone, an inspiration.

I started believing in them when he was a kid, who was too scared of this ruthless world. He was all alone, scared of being harmed by others. He used to watch people from distance, afraid of getting mixed with them. So, he always observed maintaining the distance with them. Routinely doing this, he started noticing the shadows and fell in love with them. And as he grew the shadows also did. When he was in eighth grade he came to know that he had two companions rather than one. He never knew about the shy one which was over shadowed by the contrast of the brighter one. The shy one was mostly invisible due to its nature. He and I are also like them, one overshadowing the other.

Emotions

Emotions always confuses me. The more people shows their emotions, the more it pisses me off. Sometimes i feel why people have to publicly display them, why cant they just keep them to themselves. Their presence reminds me how miserable i am. So, like always one day my head was bursting with weird thoughts. Once again i was walking the paths under the divine light of my black box. At that time the box was fuming with thoughts. I was on the brink of devising a theory. The so called theory is Emotion-o-meter and goes like this. Imagine, emotion is a set of box. Whose limits extends till infinity. Its based on the assumption that love and hate are the universal emotions which control the human mind and everything is a subset of them. At one extremity lies love and at the opposite end lies hate. If you are at the extremities then you can consider yourself to be an ideal person. Since, no one is ideal so each one has to be within this limit. All humans lie within this set. And according to the scale of the meter i am near the hate end of the scale.

My thoughts are always mixed up and confusing to me. While writing this something came to my mind. A thought, which i need to think upon goes like this: Is outburst of emotions like masturbation. May be its disturbing for some type of audience but cant help it. Its just a thought from the mind of a sicko.